A Pastiche ala S. Holmes

 This was one of my last writing efforts in the old Westfield Writers Group.

My Pastiche didn't realize I could write one but here it is.

Mrs. Hudson was in the midst of a scurryfung rushing to prepare the house for the daily parade of visitors at 221B Baker Street. Having Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson as residents had its disadvantages including a lot of unannounced visitors. Checking the Hallway she spied an old worn overcoat. A quick glance showed a mighty tear right where the armscye was located. Having work as a tailorless she knew how to affect a quick repair before Holmes notes it is missing.

It was bad enough putting up with the constant traffic in and out unannounced, but Holmes habit of letting his Dysania overule his desire to leave his bed in the mornings and made it hard for her to know when to have his breakfast and tea ready for Him.

The door opened and Dr. Watson arrived with a grin clutching what appeared to be a telegram. As he hurried upstairs he shouted a greeting to Mrs. Hudson and said dont worry I will awaken him. Her muffled vocable response was unintelligible to Watson as he reached the doorway of Holmes flat.

Opening the door Watson notices the fire is low and needs attending,using the poker and a shovel or two of coal puts everything right to start the day. Holmes!Holmes! he shouts are you up yet come out of the bed Mrs Hudson is already in a dither about your breakfast and now she must prepare for the two of us. A muffled response from Holmes clearly indicates he is everything but up and awake.

Lighting his pipe Watson notices something is askew at the front window. A closer examination reveals that one of the muntins has separated from the glass pane causing an air leak and draft. Using his hand to measure the damage it appears to be just about a purlicue in length or about 13cm. A call to the local window Glassure will quickly fix that, he would remind Mrs. Hudson on the way out to call in the Glassure.

Shortly there is a noise on the stairs and a knock on the door. A young man says: Mr. Holmes? Watson says he's just arrising I will give it to him. The young man does not wait for a reply or tip but quickly leaves. Watson examines the plain envelope which contains no writting on either side. It is sealed and across the seal is a lipstick stained mark covering the flap.

Watson yells to Holmes a messenger has just left the most peculiar envelope for you, blasted thing has absolutely no indication who or where its is from. Holmes still struggling to overcome his morning dysania finally sits upright and swings his legs onto the floor.

Watson he calls out I am ravishingly hungry this morning please tell Mrs. Hudson to prepare a double rasher of bacon and extra tea with this mornings breakfast as soon as shes able. Also tell her your wants if you not already eaten. Watson drops the letter on the side table and walks to the door. He hears Mrs Hudson and a neighbor in a busy tittle but is unable to descern what is being said. Finally he shouts down to Ms Hudson Holmes breakfast desire and she mumbles a reply.

Returning to the side table Watson again examine the envelope. Walking over to the gas light he turns it up high and holds the envelope in front of the light. No lettering or notepaper appears to be in the envelope, but a thin band of something is there, what could it be? Walking into to Holmes's bedroom Watson being a trained doctor notices Holmes left hand has a very distinct rasceta type crease just below his palm. Holmes I have told you before sleeping with your hand all askew like that prevents proper circulation of the blood and is not good for your health let alone use of your hand when needed. Holmes simply replies; yes Watson so you tell me but the hand functions quite normally .

Holmes finally succumbs to the start of the day and dons his Dressing gown and heads to the living area of his flat. He just sits down as Mrs Hudson scurries into the room with the desired breakfast and important morning tea, dropping the morning edition of the times on the table as well.
Reaching for the Tea Holmes lets out a satisfied sigh of contentment. Watson turns to Mrs Hudson and asks what was that morning tittle I heard with the neighbor earlier? Mrs Hudson replies the neighbor is all up in arms seems her oldest daughter has run off with the fish mongers boy and no one knows where they are.
Harumph says Watson I should have never asked! what poppy cock that! Mrs. Hudson turns and leaves miffed that her shared gossip was not better received.

Watson do sit down and have some of this great bacon and tea dont worry about Mrs. Hudson she is quite used to us both you know. Holmes then turns to the morning Times and starts reading the postings most closely. But Watson interjects Holmes I say what about this damable envelope dropped by the messenger who scurried away before I could even tip him a penny or two? How does one expect to know what business this is about. I can discern no writing anywhere about the damable thing it is a quandery no doubt.

Fetch me the envelope that so abuses your interest Watson. Holmes examines the envelope, puts it down and pours himself his second cup of tea. Holmes again picks up the envelope and placing it under his nose taking a deep smell of it, then turning it over he minutely inspects the lipstick stained seal on the flap. Opening the envelope reveals a small strip of cloth. His eyebrows raise in thought and he places the envelope on the table and crosses the room to the fireplace mantel.

Slowly he fills his pipe with tobacco from his slipper shape tobacco pouch, Lighting his pipe he sits in his favored chair and contemplates what he has just viewed. Silently he again returns to the morning times and quickly scans the most newsworthy items in this mornings edition.

Watson sits quietly observing Holmes seeming disinterest in the mysterious envelope. Suddenly Holmes says; Watson please shout down to Mrs Hudson that shortly Inspector Lastrad from the Yard will be coming for a visit and have some tea and scones ready for us, and an additional tea cup. Watson goes to the door and shouts down to Mrs Hudson Holmes instructions her reply as before was a mondegreen to his hearing, but he assumes it was understood.

Finally Watson turns to Holmes and says I am at a loss to know how you know Lastrad will be here shortly and what about that damable envelope! I dare say I cant fathom any of this Holmes. Holmes replies I saw you clutching a telegram whence you arrived Watson pray what does it have to do with the envelope. Watson sighs and says I got it early this morning from my wife Mary. She arrived at her mothers house safely and will stay a fortnight, so it looks as if I am again at your disposal.

Shortly loud steps are heard at the entry and ascending the staircase. Watson that will be Lestrad let him in please. Watson at the door says welcome Lastrad we were expecting you, have some Tea and scones will you? Lestrad looking surprised responds, glad for the Tea its right cold outside, but how did you know it was me. Holmes told me sometime ago you would appears shortly and here you are.

Gentlemen all is now falling into place. Watson since you are free for the next fortnight I suggest you prepare to join Inspector Lestrad and myself on a little adventure.
Both Lestrad and Watson looked shocked and questioningly to Holmes.

Its really Elementary my dear friends. This morning a messenger delivered this envelope and left suddenly. Watson here has been sore abused by me while waiting your arrival and for a indication of what this envelope means. Its really quite simple my friend.

The envelope contained no writing but was sealed with a lipstick impression used by the author to seal its contents. That seal because of its unusual visible philtrum on the upper lip gave me a clue to its sender. You remember I have done several monographs on perfumes,poisons, tobaccos as well as lipstick. The lipstick image displayed a uniquely shaped philtrum that I know came from a certain individual who was a prior client. Contained within the envelope was a small snood or ribbon of a particuler type of Tartan cloth.

That cloth is of Clan Cathcart which is located just south of Glasgow in Scotland. No other clan uses that distinctive pattern. It is an old celtic clan sign originally associated with a Fort on a river. Clan Cathcart is deeply involved in the maritime trade, and this mornings Times had some articles of interest on problems within the Cathcart business. Since they use Lloyd's as their Insurer I was assured the Lloyd's has probably already contacted Scotland Yard to ask for assistance. It appears the Grand Dame of Clan Cathcart needs our assistance and would prefer no one else know of our involvement.

So here we are all assembled ready to venture forth. If we hurry we can catch the noon express to Glasgow and begin our adventure. Watson tell Mrs Hudson we will be gone for some time and will send her a telegram when we expect to return . Lestrad I see you kept your cab awaiting downstairs, have you already a valise? Good then lets be off.

The Games a foot!!